Keeping it hot at the table.
So let’s be honest. Dungeons and Dragons is filled with fun, adventure, and a lot of very horny players. The memes only tell a part of the story. Heck this is part of what got us to create our very own Erotic Table Top Game.
See here
But it does beg the question… what kind of dungeons are we talking about ;).
Bards: Always Searching for a Good Story
Ok. So, debate my rage over which class is the sexiest. But there can be no question on which class is the horniest.
The bard’s desires no no limits. The memes on this subject alone are never-ending.
But at the end of the day, we are reminded of a few truths.
- The dragon will not seduce itself and…
- Musicians really do get around.
Their endless skills, charming demeanor, and dexterous fingers and tongue (for their instruments) ensure the bard’s reputation will not be unearned.
Game time? Sexy Time!
So, I developed a 5e compatible system for character seduction and sex for me and my partner. While I won’t be going into all the details of how it works here. The cliff notes version breaks down into two basic elements…
- A new character trait called Magnetism (different from charisma)
- A new skill challenge called… fucking.
I’m subtle.
A Freak in the Sheets
So, how do the powers and abilities of the bard translate into their sexual conquests?
Spellcasting
More than one Bard has discovered alternative uses for their spells which they can unleash upon a willing partner. Magic can be a delight.
Bardic Inspiration/ Sensual Revelations
The Bard can use one of their bardic inspirations to enhance their magnetism OR the actual act itself. They can either play wingman and pass this on to their friends or use it on themselves.
The bard’s many abilities all could lend themselves to their bedroom proclivities. Jack of All Trades or “I’ll try anything once” allows them to do any foreplay, they can indeed take expertise in a bedroom skill, and among the magical secrets they learn is the ability to use their “special move.” While it sounds ridiculous, it also lets their partner roll additional pleasure dice.
Roleplaying
Of course, maybe you want to bring the characters from the table into the bedroom. An idea any bard can support. Allow these suggestions to “inspire” you.
Traits
- Romantic: Bards love to describe their muses. Do not be afraid to go over the top in showering affection and compliments upon the object of your desire.
- Experienced: There is little these traveling performers have not done or seen. And they’ll gladly whisper some of the more scandalous stories as they rub your thigh.
- Enthusiastic: They do have a reputation to uphold, after all.
- Singers: If you enjoy this, go ahead and serenade your partner.
Outfits
- Tight pants and flowing shirts. This does seem to be the bard uniform.
- Jewelry of all sorts, along with bright stage makeup.
- These are corset folks if you are so inclined.
Sex
- Foreplay is a chance to be creative and show off.
- Bards love to describe how good their partners make them feel.
- Favorite Position: Missionary or cowgirl, but they like to get an eyeful.
Sample Dirty Talk
- I’m going to tell some filth stories about you.
- Let me taste every inch of your body.
- My gods you feel fantastic.
- How loud can you get!
